Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about how good God has been to me…especially when I look at my precious children. It still amazes me that I have the huge honor (and responsibility!) of being their mother. I still remember wondering if I would ever be a Mom…the months after my first miscarriage were so difficult, I thought I would never recover. I had a few friends who had miscarried two, three times and I remember thinking to myself that I could never get over having another miscarriage. The one I had almost killed me – not physically. Physically, there was nothing wrong with me that surgery couldn’t correct, but mentally, emotionally…spiritually, I was pretty much out of it.
In November 2010, I found out I was pregnant again and I was sooo excited. The baby would have been due in July 2011 and I was already planning combined birthday parties with him/her and Zara. Their birthdays would have been like a week apart and it just seemed so perfect. Six weeks into the pregnancy, I remember commenting to my sister that I didn’t really feel pregnant. I’ve never had morning sickness per se, but I always feel extreme nausea – but it was absent that time. She told me it was probably nothing…every pregnancy is different and all that. So, I let it go. But somewhere in my heart, I just had a weird feeling. My weird feeling panned out and I miscarried in my 7th week. Oh! Not again…why me? Why me again, Lord? You know, the same questions came back…if God knew I would miscarry, why did He allow me to get pregnant in the first place? It just didn’t make sense to me. I was traumatized and heartbroken again. But God did not leave me without hope - I could look at my precious daughter and see what God had done. I knew that if He wanted to, He would do it again…and He did. I miscarried on Dec 16 2010 and on Dec 25 2011, we dedicated our precious son – our promise kept. He is now almost 4 months old and every time I look at him, my heart exclaims “God loves me so much!” I don’t know about you :)
David said ‘O taste and see that the Lord is good’. I have tasted and seen…yes, yes, yes! God IS good!